Chapter Two: Watch Where You Point That Thing, Sonny.
An unremarkable field on an unremarkable planet, somewhere in the far reaches of an unremarkable galaxy. It is 6.30 in the morning. Bob the small green fuzzy thing has just woken up, crawled out of his hole, and is now doing his morning exercises[1].
A small sun is shining half-heartedly down on him, a gentle breeze stirs in the grass, and huge purple fluffy things sit in the trees and sing.
It's a morning much like any other. But something ... is about to happen![2]
A tiny speck has appeared in the sky above Bob, and is growing quite rapidly. Soon Bob becomes aware of a high-pitched buzzing noise. The speck grows larger still. It's vaguely egg-shaped, and seems to be glowing bright red. Another sound mingles with the buzzing; Bob thinks he can hear someone screaming faintly. He untwists his neck, folds all of his knees back into their normal position and extends his eyes as far as they will go to get a better look at the approaching object. He needn't have bothered: the speck is now large enough to block out the sun, and the buzzing and screaming are drowning out all other sounds, even the singing of the purple fluffy things, who are quite oblivious to the commotion.[4]
Despite the small green fuzzy things' famous curiosity, Bob is backing away slowly towards his hole, never taking all of his eyes off the projectile. The screaming is now quite clearly audible.
It goes something like this: ....aaaaaaaaaarghohgodswearegoingtodieanditisallyourfauuuuuuuuuuuuulTHUD.
"THUD" is not, of course, part of the scream, but rather the sound that the object makes when it finally lands in the middle of the field, raising a cloud of dust. And by "lands", I mean "crashes, barely avoiding turning into a giant fireball in the process".
Bob disappears back into his hole without even waiting for the smoke to settle.
"Cosmo?"
"Yes, Squid?"
"Are we dead?"
"I doubt it."
"Why's that?"
"I think if I were dead I wouldn't have your knee in my eye any more. Please stop squirming, will you?"
"Sorry, Cosmo."
Several dazed minutes passed. When the ringing in Cosmo's head subsided to a tolerable level, he began to contemplate getting out of this thing. He pushed the door release button; the only response was a high-pitched whine next to his left ear. He sighed, and waited for his temples to stop throbbing. Then he extended his leg -- as much as extending was possible in that space -- and kicked the door, hard. There was a loud crack. Squid couldn't tell if it came from the door or somewhere else, because for some reason Cosmo had started howling loudly.
Squid waited politely until he'd finished, and asked: "The door won't open, then?"
He received an murderous glare from somewhere around his knees. "No, I just thought we'd be more comfy in here."
"Oh, okay then. Only it looked like you...--"
"Shut up, Squid. You try and get the damn thing open."
"Okay, Cosmo. I'll see if this door handle works, then."
The hatch swung open slowly and with as much creaking as humanly[5] possible. Cosmo and Squid spent a few minutes untangling themselves from one another and then trying to squeeze out of the opening.
Cosmo was the first to climb out. He closed his eyes, stretched his arms, took a deep lungful of air, and opened them again. Then he froze. Someone was sticking a spear in his face. A very large, very pointy spear. He followed the length of it with his gaze. At the other end was a small green fuzzy thing. It looked quite angry; it sounded angry, too.
Before he could say anything, the small green fuzzy thing made a noise that reminded Cosmo of nothing so much as the time when his cat had swallowed a squeaky toy and wouldn't stop burping for hours. But before he had time for another flashback sequence, more spears appeared; they probably had small green fuzzy things attached to them, too, but he didn't feel like checking.
"Umm, Squid?"
"Yes, Cosmo?"
" I think I've found some natives."
--
[1] You know, touching his upper pair of arms to his hind legs, swinging his feelers as far back as they will go, knotting his left-most eye around one ear, that sort of thing.
[2] We know this because the soundtrack has just struck a dramatic chord.[3]
[3] At least it would have, if this blog had a higher budget. And was a movie.
[4] They don't have ears, you see.
[5] Well, doorly.
A small sun is shining half-heartedly down on him, a gentle breeze stirs in the grass, and huge purple fluffy things sit in the trees and sing.
It's a morning much like any other. But something ... is about to happen![2]
A tiny speck has appeared in the sky above Bob, and is growing quite rapidly. Soon Bob becomes aware of a high-pitched buzzing noise. The speck grows larger still. It's vaguely egg-shaped, and seems to be glowing bright red. Another sound mingles with the buzzing; Bob thinks he can hear someone screaming faintly. He untwists his neck, folds all of his knees back into their normal position and extends his eyes as far as they will go to get a better look at the approaching object. He needn't have bothered: the speck is now large enough to block out the sun, and the buzzing and screaming are drowning out all other sounds, even the singing of the purple fluffy things, who are quite oblivious to the commotion.[4]
Despite the small green fuzzy things' famous curiosity, Bob is backing away slowly towards his hole, never taking all of his eyes off the projectile. The screaming is now quite clearly audible.
It goes something like this: ....aaaaaaaaaarghohgodswearegoingtodieanditisallyourfauuuuuuuuuuuuulTHUD.
"THUD" is not, of course, part of the scream, but rather the sound that the object makes when it finally lands in the middle of the field, raising a cloud of dust. And by "lands", I mean "crashes, barely avoiding turning into a giant fireball in the process".
Bob disappears back into his hole without even waiting for the smoke to settle.
"Cosmo?"
"Yes, Squid?"
"Are we dead?"
"I doubt it."
"Why's that?"
"I think if I were dead I wouldn't have your knee in my eye any more. Please stop squirming, will you?"
"Sorry, Cosmo."
Several dazed minutes passed. When the ringing in Cosmo's head subsided to a tolerable level, he began to contemplate getting out of this thing. He pushed the door release button; the only response was a high-pitched whine next to his left ear. He sighed, and waited for his temples to stop throbbing. Then he extended his leg -- as much as extending was possible in that space -- and kicked the door, hard. There was a loud crack. Squid couldn't tell if it came from the door or somewhere else, because for some reason Cosmo had started howling loudly.
Squid waited politely until he'd finished, and asked: "The door won't open, then?"
He received an murderous glare from somewhere around his knees. "No, I just thought we'd be more comfy in here."
"Oh, okay then. Only it looked like you...--"
"Shut up, Squid. You try and get the damn thing open."
"Okay, Cosmo. I'll see if this door handle works, then."
The hatch swung open slowly and with as much creaking as humanly[5] possible. Cosmo and Squid spent a few minutes untangling themselves from one another and then trying to squeeze out of the opening.
Cosmo was the first to climb out. He closed his eyes, stretched his arms, took a deep lungful of air, and opened them again. Then he froze. Someone was sticking a spear in his face. A very large, very pointy spear. He followed the length of it with his gaze. At the other end was a small green fuzzy thing. It looked quite angry; it sounded angry, too.
Before he could say anything, the small green fuzzy thing made a noise that reminded Cosmo of nothing so much as the time when his cat had swallowed a squeaky toy and wouldn't stop burping for hours. But before he had time for another flashback sequence, more spears appeared; they probably had small green fuzzy things attached to them, too, but he didn't feel like checking.
"Umm, Squid?"
"Yes, Cosmo?"
" I think I've found some natives."
--
[1] You know, touching his upper pair of arms to his hind legs, swinging his feelers as far back as they will go, knotting his left-most eye around one ear, that sort of thing.
[2] We know this because the soundtrack has just struck a dramatic chord.[3]
[3] At least it would have, if this blog had a higher budget. And was a movie.
[4] They don't have ears, you see.
[5] Well, doorly.
posted by Satu at 9:31 am
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