Chapter Six: Doom and ... More Doom.

Falling down holes had never been one of Cosmo's favourite pastimes[1], and so he was rather annoyed to find that he was, in fact, falling down a hole. He did not have to be annoyed for long, however, because it was a small hole, and the ground was quite eager to meet him. As he had somehow managed to fall head-first and had picked up far more speed than should have been possible over such a short distance, it was not an entirely pleasant meeting; the resulting sound might be best transcribed as THUNK. Cosmo passed out.[2]


He woke up to a nasty headache[2] and a circle of tall, robed and slightly blurred figures around him. He rubbed his eyes. When he looked again, the figures were still tall and robed, but slightly more in focus. They did not appear to have actual faces, just a pair of brightly glowing orbs where their eyes should be.[3] They were all mumbling something dark and sinister under their breaths, so presumably they had mouths somewhere, too.

Cosmo scrambled to his feet. The figures were slowly advancing towards him, so he advanced away from them until his back touched a wall, at which point he tried to advance up the wall. It didn't really work.

The figures stopped about a metre before him; the tallest one extended its arm and pointed a long, skeletal finger straight at Cosmo.

"YOU!" it whispered hoarsely.

Cosmo tried to climb up the wall again without actually appearing to move at all. It still didn't work.

"YOU!" the figure said again, inching closer.

Cosmo shut his eyes firmly when the bony finger prodded him in the chest.

"YOU ... come here often?"

Cosmo opened one eye, peered at the figure, closed it again, opened the other eye, squinted for a few moments, opened the first one again and then went terribly cross-eyed while his brain tried to untangle itself. Finally he uncrossed his eyes, blinked a few times, and stared at the creature wide-eyed, which is what he'd been trying to do all along.

"Huh?" he said. His brain was too busy coordinating the whole eye business to think of anything clever to say.

"I said: 'YOU ... come here often?'" the figure repeated, hoarsely. It poked him in the chest again to emphasise its point.

Cosmo shuffled away. "Umm ... no?"

"Oh. Right." The figure lowered its arm, shrugged its shoulders, and took a few steps back. The others immediately did the same, and Cosmo relaxed slightly. Or at least started breathing again.

Suddenly, the figure spun around dramatically and pointed at him again. "YOU ... want a cup of tea?"

Cosmo stared at the finger nervously. "Umm ... yes?"

The figure turned away with a dramatic flourish of robes, and stalked away to the far side of the cave, where a tea trolley had been set up. Cosmo closed his eyes, slid down the wall, and sunk to the ground with a sigh. When he opened them again a moment later the figure was standing in front of him, holding a silver tray with a dainty little tea cup and saucer on it. It handed the cup to Cosmo, hit him over the head with the tray, grabbed him by the shoulders, and began to shake him violently.

"Cosmo!" it shouted, hoarsely. "Cosmo!" Now the voice sounded a lot less hoarse. In fact, it sounded a bit like Squid. No, it sounded a lot like Squid. And the face in front of him suddenly was a real face, with normal, non-glowing eyes and other visible bits.

Cosmo blinked. He was no longer leaning against the wall in a large, torch-lit cave, but rather lying on the ground in a small, dusty cave[4].

"Where ... am I?"[5]

Squid stared at him. "You're in a hole[6], Cosmo. A great big hole in the ground that you somehow missed completely[7]. You hit your head when you landed, though I'm not entirely sure how you managed that."

"Oh. Right. And what about those tall robed figures with the bones and the glowing eyes?"

"You mean the ones standing behind you with big sticks in their hands?"

Cosmo turned around...

... and screamed.

--
[1] Eating, on the other hand, was. And the whole space exploring adventurer thing, of course, although that was more of a vocation than a hobby. He also enjoyed long walks on the beach, and shooting evil aliens.

[2] Again.

[3] A pair each, that is. It'd be pretty awkward having to share two eyes between so many people.

[4] Though "cave" might not be the right word for it, seeing as bright sunlight was filtering through the rather large hole in the ceiling, and caves usually involve more darkness and ... undergroundedness.

[5] This, of course, is the traditional question you have to ask when you've just regained consciousness. Even if you know exactly where you are. It's just one of those things, you know.

[6] See? Not a cave at all.

[7] Though he hadn't missed it, of course. That was rather the problem.